Forgiveness is the hardest part of grieving...
Whether you are forgiving yourself for something you did, or trying to forgive someone else for what they did to you. Either way, it's difficult to say..."I forgive you".What makes it so difficult is the feeling that "if I let this go, I am excusing what they did". isn't that what keeps us from saying the words? because "why should i forgive them!!?? I didn't do anything, why do I have to let this go!?! Why cant they just apologize, gravel, plead, beg for MY forgiveness and forever be indebted to me until I see fit!?!" Unfortunately, we know, it doesn't always work that way.
Buddha said that holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.We often times loath that person from the discomfort of our own thoughts and hope that they feel how much they've hurt us. If there's any recurring theme in my posts its that we know the person who hurt you either; 1) is totally oblivious to the hurt they've caused you, 2) aware but doesn't care, or 3) aware but is too weak to make it right so they choose to ignore the situation all together.
Whatever THEIR reason is cant be YOUR reason for not letting go. Forgive them, if you cant forgive them for what they've done, forgive them for not being the person you wanted them to be. That's crazy right? think about it for a second...take a moment...say it to yourself "I forgive [insert jerks name] for not being who I wanted them to be"...say it again....one more time...let it marinate....doesn't that feel different? By saying you forgive them for not being who you wanted them to be you're indirectly forgiving them for whatever it is that they did, because if they were the person you wanted them to be, they wouldn't have caused you so much pain!
Brilliant, right? You may not be as excited as i am about this lol but let me tell you, this has ABSOLUTELY helped me at my moments of weakness. I say this anytime i think about the person, anytime i see him, talk to him, i say it 100 times over. We have a child together so before he comes over, i say it to myself, before i open the door i say it some more, and to be quire honest, i say it to myself while he's sitting in front of me talking about whatever it is he's talking about (i don't know, because i'm in the zone, forgiving him in my head lol).
It may not feel like it works at first, but trust me, keep at it...our brain and our heart has been conditioned to react and feel pain whenever this person comes around, and why wouldn't it?? At one point we loved this person (and maybe we still do) so of course whenever you try to tell your brain and heart "Listen, It's ok, i don't care anymore"...they respond with "um, yes you do now shut up, grab the tissues, the chunky monkey ice cream, a bottle of wine, and Waiting to Exhale and lets cry this shit out...grab your phone too, because we may or may not send an i hate you text followed by an I love you text".
So don't quit, anytime they come to mind, stop yourself, and say "i forgive you for not being who i want you to be" and keep saying it until the thought is gone. Eventually, your thought process will change and your heart and mind will realize "oh wow, you really don't care, so we'll stop thinking about it too" and then you will be able to treat that person like any other person that comes in your life but doesn't meet your standards...you kindly accept them for who they are but acknowledge that they wont be playing a major role in the production of your life.
Remember, forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because YOU deserve peace...
As always, thank you for stopping by and remember that YOU control the price of your worth, so set it high!